the weather

there is this trick

that the weather plays 

outside my window

blue skies and sunshine 

and a gentle, 

swaying breeze 

the picture 

of a perfect spring day 

just within my reach 

but when I open the door 

and step into the sun

the cold, frigid air 

bites at my skin 

and scowls at my smile 

and the breeze 

is a tempest 

set to torment

it is the same 

as that thread of joy

that sometimes stirs 

inside my chest

a promise of comfort 

security 

and warmth

and it feels

almost like looking in 

through a pane of glass 

at laughter and smiles

and happiness 

and I want so desperately 

to join in 

but when I unlock that latch

and step inside 

reach for the happiness 

with a tentative smile 

all I can feel 

is the joy that has died 

that laughter that vanished 

replaced

with a terrible urge 

to hide

and now every smile 

is hollow and dim

full of endless pain 

that I am drowning in 

and I know that the joy 

I thought I had seen 

will be hard pressed 

to ever come back again…