reaching out

when I reach out 

only crippling silence 

reaches back 

and when I gasp for air 

there is only ice 

inside my lungs 

the searing pain 

that can’t be doused

can’t be crushed 

can’t be burned

can’t be drowned

for the only thing 

drowning 

is me 

and I have lived 

through every one

of my darkest nights 

but that doesn’t mean 

that I want to keep living 

through more  

when every sunrise 

no longer brings hope

and new days 

only bring 

more pain 

pain at the thought 

of the aching solitude 

that fills 

my every day 

now that hope 

has been ripped away 

stolen 

right 

from 

my grasp 

though I’ll admit 

my grasp was tenuous 

at best

but this aching silence 

is still unbearable

and the darkest nights 

that I 

have lived through 

before 

were nothing 

nothing

compared to this 

when I reach out 

and only silence 

reaches back