old punk rock

tonight

as I washed the paint

from my brushes

while listening

to old punk rock

I looked around

at my modest home

my loyal dog

my easel

with my newest

unfinished project

and an unexpected thought

popped right

into my head:

this is nice.

I am happy.

I love my life.

thank You, God.

it may not be

ideal

or anything like

what I had planned

but there is nothing

about my life

that isn’t

wholly my own.

“…in my own little corner

in my own little chair

I can be

whoever I want to be…”

there is still

so much more

to figure out

and I may never

fall out of love

with the man

I used to know

but I can miss him

and still

not want him

back in my life.

because he and I

spent five and a half years

together

living together

talking to one another

going places together

and I can’t even remember

the last time

those very same thoughts

ran through my mind:

this is nice.

I am happy.

I love my life.

thank You, God.

I remember

when we were happy

and I don’t want

happiness

to be just

another

memory.

as hard as I tried

I couldn’t

make either one of us

happy

so now

I have to try

on my own.