melancholia

so many things 

I wish that you knew -

wish I could say, 

wish I could tell you…

sleepless with terror

through so many nights;

watching the dark,

reliving the fights -

not just the ones

between you and me,

but the ones in my past

that you’ll never see.

I give in to the pain

and the lies in my head -

hopeless, despairing, 

the words left unsaid…

it’s not how I thought

my life would turn out,

or what my dreams 

were ever about 

with every moment 

mired in doubt.

where is the passion

I felt in the past -

the joy, the hope?

so fleeting, so fast? 

when simply waking

feels so much a chore -

it takes all my strength 

to open the door; 

more strength than I have 

to muster a smile -

to take one more step,

the proverbial mile…

when there are so many things 

that I hide from the light,

and these ghosts don’t only 

haunt me at night -

with every new day

I feel further from me,

as I hide all the demons 

that you 

never wanted

to see…