just breathe

just breathe, he said, 

long and slow 

you had me worried 

but I know 

the pain that you feel 

and the fear 

and the sorrow 

that no one 

should have to go 

through alone 

it’s okay, he said

just breathe

and I know

you’ll make it through -

just breathe 

like it’s the only 

thing in the world 

that you 

have 

to do 

he said,

I won’t take it back,

what I said - 

you 

are not allowed 

to leave 

and we will be here

right beside you 

while you grieve 

we are here, he said 

right beside you 

and we will be here 

through the rest of it, too

because your absence 

would leave a hole 

permanently 

in our hearts 

and that

just 

won’t do. 

***

my knuckles 

are blistered

angry 

and red

a reminder 

of how close I came 

but these blisters 

will heal 

long before my heart 

ever forgets 

his name 

it’s not an emblem

when I look at my hands 

it’s a reminder 

of the pain

that consumes me 

and this pain 

has tried 

for so many years

to break me down 

completely 

so maybe 

my knuckles 

had to take 

the heat 

to stop my hands 

from ending me

and that

is much more literal 

than it really 

ought 

to be

this pain 

may suffocate 

and break me apart 

but my permanent concession  

would break 

everyone’s 

heart 

and I made a promise 

that I just can’t break 

when I promised 

that I 

would stay. 

so maybe I’ll make it 

maybe he’s right 

I’ll just have to breathe 

my way 

through the rest 

of my life...