empire falls

“And there comes a time in your life when you realize that if you don't take the opportunity to be happy, you may never get another chance again.”

I guess I forgot what it was like to have a friend who would look me straight in the eye and tell me that it wasn't my fault how those guys treated me, no matter how I tried to justify it. To tell me that, just because I didn't leave sooner, doesn't make it okay how they treated me.

I have lived inside my own head for so long, I forgot what it was like to have another voice challenge the thoughts that keep me spinning. And not in a "leading questions" sort of way, but in direct, fervent opposition of the self-defeating, negative thoughts.

"Just because you understand what made you choose them, or what made you stay - doesn't mean that you deserved any of it. It's great to continue learning and growing, but don't try to use what you learn to justify their actions. Because you didn't deserve the things they did to you. No one would deserve that, and you definitely didn't.

"So, yes, there is this part of you that's lacking confidence and feeling fearful and sad. And it's still you, but it's just a part of you. It's not all of you.

They may have caused you to be this fearful and reserved, but when you keep learning and growing, you can change that part of you. You can get the 'old' you back again and bring her to the forefront. Because that's still who you are, too. You had the strength to leave, no matter how long it took - so you can get the 'old' you back, too."

And I decided that he was right. I have been sad for so many years, and I'm tired of being sad. I didn't leave a bad situation just so I could be miserable on my own - I left so I could take the opportunity to be happy. Because I may never get another chance again.