an entire world

I don’t want everything I write to be about you. But how could it not be? For the better part of six years, I built an entire world around you, and lived only in that world.

And when it all came crumbling down around me, I honestly didn’t know if I’d ever get myself out from underneath the rubble.

"we left it all unspoken; we buried it alive, and now it’s screaming in my head..."

It may not have been love at first sight - I had no intention of dating and wasn’t looking - but you did come by surprise.

When we met, when we started dating, you seemed so kind and genuine. We talked for six hours that first night, and even though I still couldn’t imagine myself dating after the traumatizing end to my last relationship, I felt myself wanting to get to know you.

After our third date, when you finally kissed me, I honestly thought that I had found you.

This is it, I thought. The last first kiss I’ll ever have. And what a warm, wonderful thought it had been at the time.

Maybe I was right, though. Maybe it was my last first kiss. Just not in the way that I had hoped.

"the stars had aligned, I thought that I’d found you... and I don’t want to love somebody else."

The truth is, I can’t imagine sitting across the table from someone new, looking at them, trying to get to know them. Trying to find a reason to get to know them.

I thought I had gotten through the hard part. I thought the hard part was always leaving.

But maybe the hard part is never starting again. Because I don’t think I will ever be able to give my heart away to anyone else.

"and I will swallow my pride; you’re the one that I love, and I’m saying goodbye…"